As you read this…

…I’m at the hospital having a baby girl. We’re naming her Lauren Paige. She’s going to be beautiful and I won’t need an epidural because labor will only last 45 minutes.

I will be handed my perfectly pink baby and she’ll nurse like a pro the first time. I’ll have zero pain and my body will resemble those of super models – pregnancy did wonders for my figure and I’ll have zero stretch marks.

Makeup will be thrown away because my natural beauty is so amazing and I will have that glow forever and ever.

And doves will cry and so will I…. when I wake up.