Yes, Easter is this Sunday and so is my Mom’s birthday. I’ve asked her repeatedly what she’d like to do for her birthday – no idea. Asked her what we’re going to do and she had no preference. About the only thing she did express was that she didn’t want to have to plan anything. Okay, fine.So I contact my younger sister, (I’m the oldest of my family) and suggested we simply have a family dinner. I’d bring the main dish and a side dish, she could bring a side and one of my brother’s could bring dessert. Low key, simple. Hell, we would even cook our dishes prior to arrival so we wouldn’t make a mess in her immaculate kitchen. My sister’s job was to notify my step-dad and brother. She and I agreed that 1:00 would be a good time, it’d give us a time to hang out, hunt Easter eggs, and celebrate our mother’s birthday. Easy, done and agreed upon in under an hour.
Then I check with her yesterday to see if she’s confirmed with my step-dad – well no, she hadn’t so she called him and mentioned the plan and the 1:00 time. Here’s the following instant msg’s that transpired between she and I after their phone call.
Sister: ok I talked to him. He says later is better. So like 4ish
Lindsee: Whatever. Screw that. It’s Easter too
lindsee: We have to egg hunt
Sister: well here’s the thing, Mom really doesn’t want to do anything at all
lindsee: Then let’s not
Sister: I don’t know why this has to be such a huge deal, I mean I’m sure mom would be happy to have all of us there for dinner
lindsee: She gave me the impression that she just didn’t want to have to PLAN something for her bday
Sister: yeah I’m sure that’s true too. I just don’t think it’s fair to mom to take over her entire birthday with stuff we think would be fun. I know mom is going to want to take a nap, and if people are there all day long she will be all passive and not say anything but really be upset that she didn’t get to do what she wanted on her birthday.
So I called my Mom to confirm with her that she’d prefer for us to not come over until 4pm so that she can have an adequate nap. I thought that SURELY my step-dad and sister didn’t realize that my Mom would want nothing more than to spend quality time with all of her kids and her only grandchild. BUT – NO. She confirmed she’d prefer for us to not come over until 3pm after she’d had time to get a nap.
Are you fucking kidding me?!? So screw this. Here’s the problem… My Mom is KNOWN for taking naps. IS IT POSSIBLE for her to miss a nap here and there? Will she REALLY be UPSET if she doesn’t get to do what she wanted on her birthday which is to take a freaking nap?!?!
I despise her nap taking with a passion and so does my brother. For as long as I can remember her naps have always been barriers. When I was younger, when a friend asked if I could come over to play or to go outside, I would have to wait until my Mom woke from her nap to check. Well – HELL! By the time she’d gotten up from her 2 hour nap – my friends weren’t playing outside or couldn’t have me over anymore. We had to be UBER quiet while she and my step-dad napped. Oh yes – they nap on both Saturday & Sunday. Hell, if my mom had a day off work, we didn’t go anywhere to do anything like the Zoo, etc. because she had to have her nap. I HEAR YOU ASKING: Does she have a medical condition that makes her this tired?? – TRUST ME N.O.
When I got older and moved away from home I would forget this ritual of hers – until I came to visit. When we went out for any outing – shopping for wedding dresses, going to lunch, visiting family – we had to go in the morning because she needed to get back to get a nap in the afternoon. I just don’t understand it. I was VERY upset by the latest turn of events.
Of course I want my Mom to enjoy her birthday and I want her to do anything she wants and get any gift she desires. OF COURSE I do. I only disappoint myself. I somehow convinced myself that my family is like everyone else’s. I thought my family enjoyed spending time together, I thought it was important to my Mom that we all get together. I thought I got my values from her and that her values were the same if not stronger. I just have it all wrong. And it saddens me tremendously. I just don’t have the words.